Wife Aggro

Aggro.
The Bane of the Married Gamers existence.
Most WoW players with spouses that hate the game deal with the threat of "Wife Aggro" on a daily basis.
I am one of those gamers, and Ive dealt with it, From the mild to the monsterous.
Through my gaming tribulations, i have uncovered the phases of Wife aggro, and how to deal with it.
----------------PHASE 1---------------------
The first phase of "WA" is a nuetral phase.
You've just joined your raid, and are ready for the first pull. As the "entering combat" message appears on your screen, as if on que, your wife materializes next to your desk.
This is the usual exchange.
Her approach- "Honey are you almost done? I want to check my email."
This is usually a lie.
The bitter bile of frustration will well up in your throat. You must choke it down. Any show of annoyance or anger on your part at this point will push you immediately to phase 5.
Aggro diversion- "O,Baby ((honey, sweetie, dear also works, )) i just started my raid. " Feigning sympathy with her inability to check her email will buy you SOME time. but not a lot.
A wave of annoyance eminates from her as she leaves the room.
The first phase is officially over at this point.
This is the only phase transition that may take time to occur. You may have bought an hour of peace, or only 10 minutes.
----------------PHASE 2---------------------

The second phase of "WA" is the "List" phase.
Your raid just pulled Illhoof, and as he sacrifices the priest, she returns, with her list of demands.
"Can you change the baby PLEASE?"
"Can you take out the trash PLEASE?"
"Can you do the dishes PLEASE?"

Depending on how annoyed she is, she may say-
" I NEED YOU to change the baby"
" I NEED YOU to take out the trash"
Now there are ways to divert aggro, and successfully, depending on your commitment level to what you are doing.
Taking a quick AFK to do a couple chores usually drops aggro for up to 30 minutes, even if her lazy ass is capable of doing them her self.
In rare cases she will leave you alone for a couple hours.
If that isn't possible, or you're a glutton for punishment-
Try to minimize the time you have left, using generalities, or "double speak".
**"O, honey, ill be done soon, we've only got 3 more bosses to do."
-Trivialize 2 hours of playtime.-
** "After we kill this boss ill be done ."
-"this boss" meaning curator, aran, prince and netherspite.
** "I think we're almost done."
-Feign Ignorance.
Be warned, her follow up to any of these tactics may be
"How long is THAT going to take?!"
At this point it may be necessary to weigh how much physical punishment you're willing to take.
typically she will check up with 5-10 minutes, no matter how long you say you'll be.
Be prepared for phase 3.
----------------PHASE 3---------------------
phase 3 is the "DO or DIE' phase.
You KNOW Prince is going to drop your Mind blade tonight. You Have to Stick it out.
Aggro from here on out CANNOT be dropped, only diverted.
At this point , she'll stand over your shoulder and attempt to make sense of whats going on.
A good way to divert her is to pull up the instance map, and point out
"O we're here, all we have to do is get here and ill log out."
OF course if you're just starting with Attumen and you want to get to Prince, you might as well "DC" or just leave the guild. You'll never make it. Go download Maple Story.
The next tip is very important.
IF you are a risk taker, this is the time to gauge how annoyed you can get her with out her throwing things at you.
Ask her to bring you a pepsi, or if she can get you some fast food, or massage your feet real quick.
----------------PHASE 4---------------------
phase 4, the "you said you would be done half an hour ago. get off the fucking computer." phase.
At this point making excuses will not work. IF she is not to the point of physically removing you from your desk,DO not attempt to chat in guild or say anything on vent. THis will only draw her attention and force her to the point of phase 5.
A good trick to use at this point=
- is to /raid, and say "afk a sec".
-Get up from the computer, and act like you are done.
-Get a drink, sit on the couch with her.
-After a minute or two, excuse your self to go to the bathroom.
-Then head back to the computer.
-This diversion could buy you upwards of a half an hour, depending on how entranced in Gilmore Girls she is.
----------------PHASE 5---------------------
You are at the point where she realizes you're STILL on the fucking computer.
expect
-alarm clocks-
-coffee cups (hopefully empty)
-remote controls-
-dirty diapers-
-cordless mice-
and/or
-frying pans, snow globes-
to become air borne and heading in your general direction.
At this point, cut your losses. " Live to fight again another day" and all that BS.
Your tier 4 helm will drop next week. Its not worth a concussion tonight.
...or is it?



Azukay appears as a guest for Random Encounters. You can contact him @ basketbarrel@gmail.com